The Professional Networker, Your Online Resource for Expanding Business Relationships

Talk Less, Listen More
By Sharan Ilene Tash, CEO of The Professional Networker 

There are four types of communication skills: writing, speaking, reading and listening.  If you could choose the most important attribute for success – what would it be?  If you could choose the one skill that is used daily and must be learned and practiced throughout life – what would it be?  It is the skill of listening.

  • Listening is the active skill of hearing the words being said, understanding the information, and continues with the process of judging our reaction to what had just been said.
  • Listening to someone has to be a desire.  You have to want to listen to them to be an effective listener. 
  • Take the time to listen to someone.  If you are not in the proper frame of mind to listen at the moment, schedule time with the person in the future and explain that you are unable to focus your mind on listening right now. 
  • Give your full attention to the person you are listening to.  Working on the computer, starring out the window, even doodling will prevent your full interest on the conversation.
  • Be comfortable with silence during conversations.  Silence allows people to think about what they want to say without the distraction of voice.
  • Try to understand the reasons you have a difficult time listening to someone: preconceived notions, thinking ahead on what you want to say in response, stress, lack of interest, etc…
  • Keep your mind focused and open to new ideas that may not be within your comfort zone or within your mindset.  Listen without judging.
  • Try not to finish anyone’s statements.  You may be surprised by a conclusion you did not expect. 
  • Listen and make note in your mind of main ideas to be discussed further.
  • When preparing a response in communication, it is important to hear the entire message before preparing your response. 
  • Use the four types of listening skills:  Passive listening, active listening, tone of voice, and body language to get the total message being communicated.
  • Are you a good listener?  Ask your partner, your children, your boss, your peers, your friends.  Get honest opinions.

Ten Steps to Effective Listening

  • Face the speaker and maintain eye contact.
  • Be attentive yet relaxed.
  • Keep an open mind.
  • Listen to the words and try to picture what the speaker is saying.
  • Don't interrupt and don't impose your "solutions."
  • Wait for the speaker to pause to ask clarifying questions.
  • Ask questions only to ensure understanding of something that has been said (avoiding questions that disrupt the speaker's train of thought).
  • Try to feel what the speaker is feeling.
  • Give the speaker regular feedback, e.g., summarize, reflect feelings, or simply say "uh huh."
  • Pay attention to what isn't said -- to feelings, facial expressions, gestures, posture, and other nonverbal cues.